Art is Medicine
By: Marlena Robbins
Major: M.S. American Indian Studies (Indigenous Rights and Social Justice)
Tribal Affiliation: Diné, Mescalero Apache & Spanish
I met a man, we fell in love. An infatuation that engulfed all of our senses, we moved in together as quickly as we met. By the fall of 2010, I enrolled at ASU, determined to complete a degree that I was not sure I even believed in anymore.
Our relationship had no vision or future, we could not see past the weekend, and the empire we daydreamed of eventually crumbled. We fought verbally, made overly dramatic scenes in the clubs on Mill, and were referred to as “that couple.”
I failed most of my classes, increased my level of debt and resented my family for my failures.
I lived fifty feet away from my mom in the same apartment complex and only saw her when I was feeling selfish. Selfish with my time and attention; ego has no remorse. In the spring of 2011, I was arrested for driving under the influence. I spent the night in jail and asked her to pick me up. She said my life was going in the wrong direction and that I had been thrown off my path by my own self. Still, she forgave me, hugged and kissed me, and told me that she loved me.
A dark year followed. I became angry, depressed, jealous and bitter. I sat on the couch day in and day out, hiding from friends and family, dormant in a colorless reality, accepting karma’s punishment.
In the spring of 2012, I became pregnant and with instantaneous confidence acknowledged my blessing. By the time of my son’s birth, I transcended consciousness from girl to mother. Motherhood is a delicate decision entrusted to guide and nurture the future. Women are the epitome of creation and should be valued as such.
I started painting not long after he was born. The brush strokes, vibrant colors and textures became an escape. It was a new beginning of self-love, exploration, growth and ultimately, sobriety.
Over time, the act of designing and painting re-built the confidence, security and self-esteem that had been weakened due to self-harm and trauma. Trauma echoed through my life exposing itself in negative thoughts, talk, habits and abuse. For myself, creating art is a rebellious act that allows for a detachment from the reality that has been sold to us. By discovering hidden talents and allowing ourselves the freedom to create with no limitations, we return to our true selves.
I have learned that the consequences of our decisions hang delicately in what we understand to be balanced. Our feminine and masculine energy is interwoven to represent our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical selves; destined to be maintained by the level of comfort that we experience within our own state of mind.
The creative process has taught me that self-care is vital to our well-being. Our current state of reality including concrete jungles, the illusion of time and digital screens forces us to disassociate ourselves from life in an effort to cope with daily demands. We can very easily lose ourselves in the depths of a disillusioned world unless we are determined to return to our unique humility.
Creating art has led me to the doors of many great opportunities that I never would have imagined for myself. I am grateful for the people I meet and the stories they share along the way. Life is the intricate web we find ourselves in as human beings, premeditated and predetermined to cross paths with those we are meant to encounter, learn from, love and endure. This journey of struggle and beauty has led me to a world of genuine strength.
