Going against the grain
Balancing motherhood in college
By: Melissa Leffler
Tribal Affiliation: Diné
Major: Health Care Compliance & Regulations
Sometimes when I look around at my other classmates, I feel so different from them. Donning fraternity shirts as they discuss last night’s football game, they seem so young and carefree. I on the other hand, walk in tardy, disheveled in a wrinkled work uniform with bags under my eyes. As my teacher begins to lecture, I find my mind wandering. I am unable to focus on class. I am distracted, stressed about paying for my daughter’s daycare tuition. As I look around at my younger carefree classmates, I think to myself, “I can’t relate to any of these people!” The more I thought this, the more I began to feel isolated in school.
In the beginning of my first semester at ASU, I was struggling in my math class. I showed up late, took an exam and scored terribly. Panicked, I left class as quickly as I could. As I staggered out the building, I came across a dimly lit yoga room. It was quiet, so I decided to take a few minutes to breathe. I sat down and made a weak attempt to perform a few yoga stretches. Minutes later, an unexpected tear streamed down my face. I had started crying. Unbeknownst to me, I had been holding onto a big ball of stress for weeks and it was finally coming out. I bawled my eyes out. After I regained composure, I realized that I needed a change. As I left the yoga room, I made a promise to myself to find a healthier way to balance my work, school and personal life.
I am not what you call a ‘typical’ college student. I am 30 years old, I am a single mother, I have to work to pay my own bills, and I am of three different ethnicities. I, however, identify with my Diné heritage the most; being on the reservation had a big influence on me.
As I reflect on my past and the many parts of me, I realize that I have walked a unique and special path. Not everyone has experienced the earthy aroma of wet clay after it has rained in Window Rock, or the sense of fulfilment from hearing your child’s laughter bursting with happiness. It then dawned on me that each and every one of my classmates have unique and special experiences of their own. I began to bond with my classmates by learning about their stories and who they were. Over time, talking to others changed my perspective where the feelings of isolation has faded away and I now find myself on common grounds with my peers. This transformation has opened my eyes to understanding that everyone is on their own journey. We all struggle just as we all thrive and I no longer feel alone in school.
My goal of this article is to inspire my peers who may feel challenged or overwhelmed at school. I want everyone to know that you are not alone and that we all struggle. Our lives may be very different, but we are all connected and we can share our strength by leaning on each other for support.
Attending ASU has been the best decision I have made in my life. I am educating myself and providing a better future for my family, but it does not come without challenges. Through years of trial and error, I have found there are easier ways to tackle school. Below I share some resources that I utilize in my personal life to help me stay present, productive and positive.
When I tell people about the life I live, they think I’m crazy for working two jobs, attending school full-time and caring for my 3-year-old Isabelle, but I really enjoy my life. I find there is beauty in the struggle. Maybe I am crazy, but I believe great strength is hidden in each and every one of us. When we challenge ourselves, we discover that strength and find a way to persevere and overcome. I wouldn’t change my struggles for a second. College has made me the strongest woman, mother and employee I have ever been. Be good to yourself and go against the grain — never stop believing you are capable of anything.
