If I Never Heal

By: Ruben Cu:k Ba’ak

Tribal affiliation: Tohono O’odham

Shudders of fears,

ethos of horrors,

dry and tasteless,

somewhere, etching out

a tale in my veins,

chumping in my heart

like earwax, deafening.

The zip line floats on

The illusion of my intelligence

like a sprung pinball.

And I’m just sitting.

Present, here in the open field.

A butterfly dances on the spirits

Of songs the land has always

Danced to, the songs of worlds

Beyond imagination, in colors so

Beautiful we can’t see them with our

Ugly scarred eyes.

In the sun’s revealing rays,

I am powerful, I am the strongest Life on Mother Earth.

I sing with the land.

Bending fears and horrors.

The requisition of massacred soaked soils,

Bubbling like ancient bones.

Becoming fuels that will complete

The conquers’ peace.

In our scared ugly eyes.

Ruben Cu:k Ba’ak is a Traditional Tohono O’odham member, from Sells, Arizona. He has lived the American Indian dream, from a broken abusive home to violence and drug dealing to being locked in the system to changing his life around and walking his Redroad to a couple of degrees, and to a career serving his Nation. He has proven to himself and many others that change is possible. His passion is change and the progression and evolution of the Original Peoples before America. He has 15 and a half years drugs, alcohol and violence free and continues to help people struggling in addiction, alcoholism, violence, and toxic lifestyles to change and learn to live a better way. And he also writes a little poetry.