Introspection in College

By: Lejend Yazzie

Tribal Affiliation: DINÉ

Major: Filmmaking Practices

As a freshman, I came into ASU wanting to pursue Justice Studies. As I went through the program, however, I realized that I wanted to continue in Filmmaking instead, a decision made after careful deliberation and a lot of introspection. Before ASU I went to an art high school where I took every type of art class I could. Film was one of the classes that I thrived in. Coming into Justice Studies, I told myself that I was going to put film on the back burner and work on it when I could. However, I wasn’t prepared for how much time reading, writing essays and running to class everyday would take.

During my first semester, I fell hard into my depression: I wasn’t motivated to go to class, I’d shelter myself in my room, do the bare minimum to maintain my GPA for my scholarship, and there were times where I didn’t see a reason for living. There were a lot of factors to my decline in mental health, but one of the core reasons was because I was missing the creative outlet that I got from film.

It was when I got an internship with ASU’s Human Rights Film Festival during my second semester where I began to feel a lot more motivated to continue in school and life. As an intern, I was able to preview films, talk to filmmakers and distributors, and edit a trailer to promote the event. I worked on the Indigenous session, focusing on decolonization and strengths of Indigeneity, so I was also able to connect to my culture at the same time.

The internship put everything into perspective for me. It made me realize how great of an opportunity I had at the university and that I need to work harder to stay alive and succeed in school so that I can help my people. It also brought clarity to my dilemma about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

I want a career in filmmaking. I still have a passion for activism and social justice especially regarding Indigenous peoples, women, the LGBTQ+ community and other marginalized communities. With filmmaking I want to tell the stories that are not told. It’s important for Native people to have the ability to see others who look like them or who share the same experience as them. Even if non-Natives aren’t able to relate to the characters in my films, then they are at least exposed to experiences other than their own. Activism in the mainstream media is one way to raise awareness in a creative way to convey an important message. I want to explore themes of Indigenous feminism, alternative effects of colonialism, mental illness, decolonizing mindsets and more.

Often, as an Indigenous student, I feel doubt about being here. During those times I have to remind myself that this is ancestral Akimel O’otham and Pee Posh homelands, that there was a time not so long ago that Native people were barred from entering higher education, that there is active genocidal acts on Indigenous people, and that still I continue to exist and resist. My existence despite mental health and social issues continues. I deserve my place here at ASU and I will continue to take every opportunity, like the film festival, school or articles, that I can to expand my knowledge